𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙡𝙨𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙢𝙮
Shirzad Chamine, Stanford Lecturer and NY Times Best-Selling Author
Do you mentally beat yourself up?
Are these invisible lashings starting to impact your health?
YOU are NOT alone
EVERYONE has these inner conversations and battles.
And everyone has different parts inside of you.
It’s how we’re wired as human beings.
You’re designed to survive and your brain will try to STOP you from making uncertain changes.
Then we also have another part in our brains that’s hardwired–the part that wants to GROW and LEARN and THRIVE.
I call that part the High Self or SAGE.
These two opposing parts of you, the INNER CRITIC or JUDGE and the SAGE, end up causing internal battles that can leave you feeling EXHAUSTED, OVERWHELMED and STUCK.
change is scary
WHY?
Because CHANGE means taking a CHANCE.
And taking a chance means uncertainty.
Our brains are hard-wired to keep us safe from DANGER. Any new situation has built-in UNCERTAINTY and any uncertainty means there’s the risk of being killed.
Simple, right?
It makes so much sense why it’s so hard to start something new, step out of our comfort zone or create a life we absolutely adore UNLESS…
We start noticing what we’re noticing and interrupt the patterns that disempower us.
enter your “Judge”
To become mentally fit, we must handle the part of us that doesn’t want any change.
I call this part the JUDGE.
The JUDGE is constantly scanning all the areas of your life and points out all the things that are WRONG or BAD with your actions.
This Inner Judge, otherwise known as an Inner Critic or Inner Saboteur or Inner Villain is the voice in your head creating ALL negative emotions as you handle your daily life.
After all, your thoughts + emotions = actions which causes the results you experience in your life.
When you allow your JUDGE to influence your actions, it feels hard, heavy and constricting.
This JUDGE is simply an automated pattern that’s been running in the background of your life ready to criticize you whenever something unfamiliar or new comes up.
enter “saboteurs”
And there is not just this ONE voice of “the judge”.
Other automated patterns arise which I’m calling “saboteurs” sneak in and also prevent you making changes.
These saboteurs are unique patterns representing root-level automated thinking habits.
The reason that’s important to know is BECAUSE these voices of the Judge and Inner Saboteurs can be the cause of ALL of our stress, pain, frustration, fear, guilt, shame, blame, anxiety, restlessness and unhappiness.
Any so-called negative emotion is a signal from our bodies that the survival part of our brain has been activated.
And when you’re in the survival part of your brain, any attempt at clear thinking is prevented.
Your body is in fight, flight or freeze mode which is very hard on the body, both chemically and physically.
This results in a loss of energy and focus, leaving you exhausted and susceptible to dis-ease and illness.
remember…
THE most important thing you need to understand is: YOU are NOT your saboteurs.
They are simply the voices in your head reflecting automated reactivity survival patterns.
They won’t define you UNLESS you don’t know about them OR you don’t understand how to stop them.
If you’re ready to STOP these patterns of self-sabotage, there is a way out.
Here’s what I found
The Inner JUDGE and Saboteurs are always louder in my head than my Inner SAGE or the part of me that wants to thrive.
I often spent time, saying, “I don’t know,” or “I can’t remember; I have a terrible memory,” or “She does it so much better than I do. I’m not as good as her,” OR ” What’s wrong with you?” OR “You don’t deserve that.”
These voices became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I stopped speaking out in front of others for fear of saying the wrong thing. I wouldn’t remember things because I was avoiding feeling my emotions. I constantly compared myself to others and this kept me from truly seeing my own gifts and talents.
These voices kept me small, safe and STUCK
in my own prison
I was not the master of my mind.
I had a mismanaged imagination which kept me in fear, doubt and anxiety much of the time.
I didn’t realize just how much time I spent scanning the horizon for dangers, hyper-focusing on situations to try to mitigate every last possible thing that could go wrong and then, to top it all of, castraphozing the worst possible outcomes for anything and everything.
And what I really didn’t realize was how much energy this pattern of thinking was draining from my life and stealing my joy.
the dawn of awareness
Then, one day, I started paying attention to those voices.
Boy, oh boy, were they prevalent, consistent and LOUD.
I could not stop the voices on my own. I needed help.
thank goddess I didn’t have to
The easiest way to do anything, usually, is with someone else who will hold us accountable to help us make the changes we seek.
What’s even more powerful is surrounding oneself with a whole bunch of people who are working to accomplish the same goal.
Because remember when we talked about the hard-wiring of our Negativity Bias and our unwillingness to change?
Change is scary AND change is necessary and inevitable part of life so how do we make the changes we need to?
what is your ‘why’
Here’s where I ask you, “WHY do you want to stop sabotaging yourself?”
What patterns in your life have you noticed that no longer serve you?
- Is it because you often avoid unpleasant tasks and conflicts?
- Is it because you’ve noticed that you constantly try to help, please or rescue others and disregard your own needs?
- Could it be you’re always anxious, waiting for the other shoe to drop, castrophizing and caught up in “stinking-thinking”?
- Maybe you’ve noticed you’re too self-critical or you often disappoint yourself or others?
How do you imagine your life to look differently?
my “why”
I wanted to STOP self-sabotage because:
- I was sick and tired of not keeping the promises I made to myself.
- I was tired of listening to the long list of excuses I could generate so easily to justify my lack of commitment at following-through with my visions.
- I was tired of thinking, “I already know what to do,” and then not doing what I knew.
My ultimate “why” is because I want to be a healthy role model for my son. I want to be the example and invitation to a life dedicated to world peace, love and service with no regrets.
After all, when your why is big enough, you’ll always take action.
Habits + real life (no support) = HARD
Habits + Accountability= EASY
So would you rather do it the HARD way or the EASY way?
I’ve found that if I don’t set myself up to win with a coach or a mentor, I don’t get far.
And because my WHY is big, I’m willing to invest time, money and attention that’s required to change.
If you are, too, then let’s do this together.
imagine
Imagine BOOSTING your performance, IMPROVING your wellbeing and STRENGTHENING every relationship, especially the most important one–the one with yourself?
Imagine waking up every morning full of zest and vitality knowing that no matter how loud the voices seem to be, they can be handled.
Imagine handling every interaction with an almost superpower of calm, clear responses and reactions.
Imagine speaking your voice, expressing your needs and not worrying about the other person’s judgements or reactions.
Imagine letting go of the smaller battles and having so much more energy to devote to the things in your life that matter.
𝙄𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙚 being able to 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣 to quiet down and behave so that you 𝘤𝘢𝘯 move forward with confidence, joy and inner peace finding 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓 in EVERY opportunity and circumstance and SHOWING UP as the most authentic version of YOU, 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪𝗜𝗡𝗚 that you have all the answers inside.
Let’s talk. I can help.
Book a time for a Complimentary 30-minute Consultation.
Choose your most convenient time and together we’ll figure this out.
